I never had a pet growing up. My parents bought me five fish when I was about nine years old. The fish all got ick and died in a couple of months. Down the toilet they went, and that was the last of my experience in being responsible for the life of another being until I was 34 years old.
Then, we got Redford. He and his brother were dropped off in a box and kept in a shelter. He was very lucky because he got a FANTASTIC foster mom who trained him well. I think if we hadn’t have adopted him when we did, she would have.
I used to think that pet owners were crazy. Nobody could possibly have such affection and adoration for an animal. An animal, for goodness sakes.
I was wrong.
Ignorance wasn’t bliss.
Oftentimes, when we have to encourage him to not take his leisurely time sniffing something interesting or stop him from snacking on some piece of food left on the side of the road, my wife and I joke to each other that he is probably muttering to himself “my parents just don’t understand.”
So, without further ado, here is my dog.
What I Wish My Parents Knew About That Green Stuff, by Redford
My Mom and Dad are always off hunting. I don’t understand it. They never bring back any food. They tell me that this green stuff helps them bring home the magic bag of food that goes into my bowl. I don’t know about that. I do know some things though.
- All treats taste good. Sometimes Mom and Dad bring home treats which they say took more green stuff to make. They don’t taste any different than the other treats that I have. I’ll eat any treat. In fact, if you want to give me a treat, I’ll take it.
- I have the best time with my friends. The most fun times I have are when we all get to go to the dog park and see all of my other friends. I never see Mom and Dad bring any of that green stuff to the dog park, so I don’t think it requires any. I’m too busy playing with my friends to notice anyway.
- Toys are cool, but time with my parents is more cool. I know sometimes you want me to play with my toys, particularly when you’re barking on those small things you hold up to your ears, but I’d rather be playing with you. Especially since there’s this one spot that needs scratching which I can’t quite reach.
- No amount of green stuff will replace the short time we have with each other. I got put on this planet to guard my parents for a few years, and then I get to go to the dog park in the sky. No amount of green stuff will keep me from going to the dog park in the sky. So, let’s make the most of the time I’m here on the planet with you.